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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510730">come on in</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsinouterspace/pseuds/catsinouterspace'>catsinouterspace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>you found religion when you found out you could fall [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Character, College, Coming Out, Other, Pre Med Student Jessica, Pre-Canon, Queer Themes, Questioning, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Stanford Student Sam Winchester, Stanford University, Trans, Wear It Purple Day, non-binary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:40:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsinouterspace/pseuds/catsinouterspace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam loves college, it's everything he'd hoped it be, but two purple scrunchies later and he's in the middle of an identity crisis.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>you found religion when you found out you could fall [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2161626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>come on in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This can be read as a standalone but briefly references things that happen in "ticking in the back of my mind" and "it is as clear as the windows i came through"</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jess walked into the library, quickly spotting Sam, she had purple scrunchies pulling her hair into two pigtails, and a matching purple sweater.</p><p>"Loving the look," Sam greeted her as she took the chair next to him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He still feels giddy that he can do that. </p><p>Jess leant into the gesture, "Thanks, it's for Wear it Purple Day." </p><p>"Oh," Sam glanced at his own clothes, he was not wearing a trace of purple, he wonders if he should have; he's not sure he <em> owns </em> anything purple, "That's the uh, LGBT thing, right?" He silently praises himself for not stumbling over the acronym, the words sometimes feel like they choke up in his throat making it impossible to speak. Sam doesn't know why, he doesn't have anything against queer people, at least he’s <em> pretty </em> sure he doesn’t.</p><p>Jess nodded. </p><p>"Oh that's cool, being an ally and all." Sam bent his head slightly to the side, breathing in the smell of her hair, she smelt like honey and flowers.</p><p>“I'm not just an ally,” Jess drew back from Sam’s arm so she could face him properly.</p><p>Sam’s eyebrows raised slightly, “Oh, uh, that’s um cool, I didn’t know that you were um…” He trailed off realising he had no idea what Jess was if she wasn’t straight.</p><p>“Bisexual.” Jess filled in, “I’m bisexual.”</p><p>“Bisexual,” Sam nodded a couple of times, he was doubly lucky she had chosen him then. “That’s cool.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Jess let it hang in the air for a moment but it was clear she wanted to say something else, “I know you’re not meant to ask but we are dating so are you…” Jess paused looking for the right way to phrase her question, “Part of the community?”</p><p>Sam froze, his heart picked up in his chest, his eyes wide, he looked caught out, like a deer in headlights.</p><p>Jess’ eyebrows pinched together and she frowned slightly, “Hey Sam,” she said softly, “It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me.”</p><p>Sam let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He picked up the pen that was lying on the book in front of him, twisting it in between his fingers, “I don’t know if there’s anything to tell.” He muttered quietly.</p><p>Jess pursed her lips, watching him for a moment, “Sam I don’t mean to push and you can take as long as you like to figure stuff out, but if me asking about it affects you that much you might want to consider that there is something.”</p><p>Sam nodded quietly, he turned away from the book he was examining to look at Jess. She was watching him carefully, he nodded again, “Yeah, you’re right.” He paused, “I just…” He trailed off trying to consider how to phrase it, “Haven’t really thought about.” It’s partially true, he had devoted a great deal of time to specifically <em> not </em>thinking about.</p><p>Jess shrugged, before moving back into Sam’s space, cuddling into his chest, “Well whatever you are is fine by me, okay?”</p><p>Sam pressed his face against the top of her head, he smiled into her hair, “Thank you.” He said quietly.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Thinking about this stuff, however, was like opening Pandora's box. Three days later and Sam wished he’d never said anything, wished he could go back to putting every stray thought he had into a locked box labelled <em> Possibly Queer Thoughts. </em> He’d spent his entire life thinking that his fashion choices boiled down to plaid, plaid, or more plaid so <em> of course </em>he spends some time looking at what men are wearing, that’s normal right? Or is it gay? Or well not gay because Sam’s sure he likes girls. Maybe bi then? Or maybe nothing? And then there’s the other things.</p><p>Sam had picked up Art History as an elective because Jess had, considering he and Jess were now dating he decided it was worth it even if he always felt a bit lost at the subject matter. He was pre-law it shouldn’t have been <em> that </em>hard but every art movement seemed to have a post and pre and post-pre and pre-post and then an underground moment and then an artist which merged two different styles which sometimes created a whole new style or just created a version of one style with a twist based in the other style. There was also another part of Art History that was confusing to Sam.</p><p>The pronoun round prompted by their professor on the first day had led to a classmate, Synth, stating that their pronouns were they/them. Sam <em> knew </em> gender was a spectrum, knew that people lived outside the binary definitions of man and woman but he’d never really <em> seen </em> someone do it.</p><p>Sam tried his best not to stare during class. Sam is fully aware that blatantly staring is never considered polite, and in this case would probably make Synth think he’s a transphobe; and Sam’s pretty sure that saying <em> oh no your gender just really intrigues me, </em>would make him sound like a gross fetishist.</p><p>Sam doesn’t really think he’s too much like Synth. They’re outspoken and always have something critical and sarcastic to say in class, their bright green hair and ever largening gauges in their ears instantly portray them as someone who is counter to mainstream culture. Sam’s spent his whole life desperate to be normal, whereas from the way Synth talks about the different movements in art they probably have a seventy page dissertation on why the nuclear family and typical apple pie life is the reason for all the unhappiness in the world. Still there’s something about how Synth exists in the world, so easily somewhere that wasn’t <em> man </em> or <em> woman </em>that feels so familiar to Sam, like returning to the childhood home he never had.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“When I was little some people used to mistake me for a girl.” Sam whispered. He’s snuggled in bed with Jess, his roommate is away for the night. Sam only has the courage to say these words because Jess hasn’t said anything in the last twenty minutes, her breathing smooth and even on his chest.</p><p>“Mmm…” Jess nuzzled into his chest, and Sam holds her tighter, unsure if she’s actually heard him.</p><p>A few long moments later, Jess sleepily mumbled, “Was it a mistake?”</p><p>“I-“ Sam paused, “I think so?” He feels so dumb, like these answers should be simple, would be if he was anyone else. “I mean, yeah I’m not a girl, you know?”</p><p>Jess moved the slightest bit away from Sam, shuffling herself so she can rest her head on the pillow next to his. They lay nose to nose. The closeness makes it look like she only has half a face, her two eyes merging into one, she still looks beautiful like this.</p><p>“I don’t know that, only you do Sam.” Jess said.</p><p>A small smile tugged at Sam’s lips for half a second, before he brushed a strand of Jess’ hair behind her ear. “How’d I get so lucky?”</p><p>Jess grinned, the movement looked lop sided to his blurred vision but Sam knew exactly how stunning that smile was, “Says you.”</p><p>“I’m not a girl.” Sam said quite firmly. He’s pretty sure of it, in the past couple of weeks he’s done a bit of reading about being a transgender woman, and it doesn’t fit him. Of course, it not fitting him doesn’t explain how he felt about the mistakes, how he feels about missing them. “I just don’t think I’m a boy either.” Sam said it quickly, knowing that if he didn’t, he never would, and it would just fester somewhere in him forever. Saying it makes Sam’s stomach lurch, he wondered if Jess could feel his heart hammering against his chest. </p><p>Jess squinted her eyes, she lifted up her hand, cradling the side of his face that isn’t against the pillow with her palm, “You know that’s okay, right?”</p><p>Sam nodded, “I think so.” His voice cracked briefly on <em> think </em>.</p><p>Jess pulled him in, tucking his head under her neck, she kissed him on top of the head, “Whatever you are or aren’t, it’s okay Sam.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sam woke up to an empty bed, he stretched out, he loved Jess, but he was also 6 ft 4 and the extra room was always appreciated.</p><p>“Morning.” Jess greeted.</p><p>“You’re up early,” Sam said.</p><p>“It’s ten am.”</p><p>“On <em> Sunday.” </em></p><p>Sam got out of bed, padding over to where Jess sat at his desk, she had a textbook opened to a labelled diagram of the skeleton of a hand and wrist. Jess shoved the book over to him, “Test me?”</p><p>“Uh, what’s the bone at the very tip of the finger called?”</p><p>“They’re the distal phalanges.”</p><p>“What are the other phalanges?”</p><p>“Middle and proximal.”</p><p>“What’s the bone of the arm, uh, closest to the thumb side?”</p><p>“Radius.”</p><p>“And the one closest to the pinky?”</p><p>“Ulna.”</p><p>Sam squinted at the picture, “Um, the uh, one of the bones in the middle bit.”</p><p>Jess snorted, “The middle bit?”</p><p>“There’s so many of them.” Sam was more well acquainted with a human skeleton then most but that didn’t mean he knew the names of every bone.</p><p>Jess shook her head, taking the text book from him, “Okay, fair.”</p><p>“I’m going to get us some coffee, enjoy your phalanges.” Sam left the room to brave the communal kitchen.</p><p>The kitchen was pretty empty at this time of morning, after all ten am on a Sunday was the college student’s version of five am. Still, yesterday had been Saturday so there were empty beer bottles and dirty plates everywhere, several empty pizza boxes also piled up on the benches. A boy was slouched over the table snoring. Sam tiptoed past him, switching the kettle on. He riffled through the largely bare cupboards to get a packet of instant coffee; it wasn’t the best but it was worlds above no coffee.</p><p>Jess looked up from her textbook, more alerted to Sam’s presence by the smell of coffee then the sound of him entering. “God, I love you.” She said, grabbing the coffee.</p><p>Sam froze, holding his own cup.</p><p>Jess took a sip of hers, smiling into the steaming mug satisfied to have her morning fix before registering Sam’s reaction. She threw back her head in a laugh, “Well it’s true.”</p><p>Sam’s face broke into a broad grin, he grabbed his roommate’s empty chair and dragged it next to his own, “I love you too.”</p><p>He leaned in to her and Jess closed the distance between them. She tasted like coffee, her lips as sweet as the sugar in her cup. He pulled back just a bit, so their lips were still brushing against each other, noses touching.</p><p>“I love you so much.” Sam told her.</p><p>“I love you too.” Jess said. “We should talk.”</p><p>Sam nodded curtly, his stomach flipping, he knew that this conversation was going to be fine, that Jess loved him, but it still made him nauseous.</p><p>“We should move in together.”</p><p>That... was not where Sam had thought this conversation was going.</p><p>Jess took his silence for apprehension, “I mean an apartment between the two of us would probably work out cheaper than both of us paying for dorms and then we wouldn’t have to worry about roommates, which means,” Jess stood up moving to straddle his lap, she leant in to kiss him, Sam  sharply inhaled as Jess bit into his bottom lip, she took the opportunity to slide her tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. She eventually pulled back giving them both a moment to catch their breath, “I can do this any time I want.”</p><p>Sam blinked, “You do make a compelling point.”</p><p>“I thought so,” She said, extricating herself from Sam’s lap and moving back to her own seat, she grabbed her coffee off the table, Sam should have known that coffee was going to come before anything else that may transpire this morning.</p><p>“So,” Jess said, taking another sip of her coffee, “What pronouns do you want me to use?”</p><p>Sam nearly choked on his coffee, he had been expecting a question about apartment locations, or budgets or something. “I uh, don’t know.”</p><p>Jess stayed quiet, giving Sam a moment to puzzle though his thoughts.</p><p>“I mean, he/him is fine, it’s what everyone uses you know? And it doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>Jess nodded, “That’s fine, of course, but pronouns can be more than just what doesn’t bother you, you know?”</p><p>Sam nodded, he took a mouthful of coffee just to have an excuse not to talk as he thought about it, “I was thinking of maybe using they/them as well,” Sam said quietly.</p><p>“Okay,” Jess said, “I can use them interchangeably? And if you decide you like one more than the other you can let me know, okay?”</p><p>Sam nodded, “Yeah, that would be great.”</p><p>“And name?”</p><p>Sam shrugged, “I mean Sam’s already, you know, pretty neutral.”</p><p>“Just thought I’d check.” Jess said.</p><p>“Thank you.” And Sam means it so utterly and genuinely, they wish they could properly express to Jess just how much this means to them, how grateful he is for this, but she just acts like it’s the simplest thing in the world, a given that she would accept them without a second thought. He finds himself grinning stupidly at her as she finishes her coffee.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah I know Wear It Purple Day didn't start until 2010 but also purple scrunchies would be a look soooo...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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